This Week in DA Swamp
Okay, all you rock lizards out there! Ol’ AJ is weeding through new rock releases so you don’t waste hard-earned beer money on awful music.
“Chomp On” is Gatorese for Croc-rock. Meaning you can slam a 12-pack of Crocweiser and croc out, I mean rock out. “Swamp It” means pretend you are a Soviet woman discus thrower and hurl this sucker far out into the swamp as you can.
Insane Clown Posse
“Bang, Pow, Boom”
This is BAD!! I don’t mean in a good way or as in bad-ass. I mean bad
as snakebait. They give clowns a bad name. Somewhere Bozo and
Clarabelle are hiring hit men.
Alligator Jackson has been called juvenile by many women, but this CD
makes AJ look like a snobbish sophisticate. With lyrics like “rock out
with my cock out” on the Zombie Slide, you have to figure that no one
over 30 listens to this croc crap. If your kids listen to it, don’t
worry about saving for their college education; they ain’t gonna need
it.
Better save for a good therapist or better yet, bail money.
Toss this one out in the murky swamp and let the black water suck it
down … just hope it don’t spit it back out.
Ace Frehley — "Anomaly"
The Space Man returneth. Ya gotta give it to Ace. He knows who his audience is. On a commercial he filmed for the CD, he has a fat slob with his hair halfway to his ass and an Ace T-shirt on, lamenting that he has waited 20 years for a Ace CD. Well, that to me is the kind of guy waiting on this — and he will be happy.
“Foxy and Free,” “Pain In The Neck” and “Outer Space” are the kind of anthems one expects out of Ace. They aren’t half-bad cuts but there’s nothing really there for non-Kiss fans.
“Fox On The Run”
is a cover of the Sweet track and is much too traveled as a cover song.
He could have picked something fresher to cover but hey, Kiss fans will
like it.
Ace is putting this out two weeks before Kiss’ “Sonic
Boom,” so there will be fans buying this to see if he can outdo Kiss.
Personally, I think Kiss had a tougher opponent when it met The Phantom
in the Park. Basically, this is a CD for the fan base.
For me, it’s kind of like a McDonald’s double cheeseburger, because you
know what you are getting: something that will satisfy you but not
delight you and if you have a choice, but there is a lot better out
there. So I’m not goin’ to Chomp or Swamp It -- I’ll quietly turn my
back and you can do with it what you may.
Halestorm — “S/T”
Cavo — “Bright Nights Dark Days”
I group these two CDs together for a reason. I call these “bait and switch “ releases.
I’ll explain: “Champagne” by Cavo was the modern rock party song of the
summer. Everyone loved this balls-out party tune. “I Get Off” by
Halestorm is a modern radio smash that had me running out of Da Swamp
to buy the CD, envisioning an all-out assault with tough female vocals
backed by searing hard-rock guitars. Kind of like a female rock tune
for the ages that causes guys to fantasize like the Divinyl’s 1991 hit
“I Touch Myself.”
I was baited by the singles, thinking I was buying rock masterpieces and ended up getting somewhat popish CDs.
Halestorm comes across as a pissed-off Kelly Clarkson CD, not the rock
attack I was hoping for (I recommend Hydrogyn’s “Deadly Passions” for a
better female-led rock assault). Cavo comes across as a souped-up
Matchbox Twenty -- kind of straightforward though bland vocals like
‘70s bands such as Foreigner. Not totally bad releases, but not the
rock masterpieces that one may expect after hearing the singles.
I’d iTune the singles and swamp the CDs.
Cage The Elephant
Now we’re chomping!! Chomp On, guys!!! This is a party CD that didn’t disappoint. “No Rest For The Wicked” stayed on modern rock radio all summer and the CD lives up to the promise.
It starts off with another killer modern rock track, “In One Ear.” From the beginning, there’s a barrage of guitars. It’s kind of like the debut Jet CD, but with more guts and sense of humor. The vocals are poppy and, at times, even kind of rappish -- but somehow, it works. I credit a hard-rocking attitude and cool, fun lyrics.
“James Brown” and “Tiny Little Robots” give the CD a solid 1-2-3-4 punch that will have you rolling down the windows and cranking the volume.
The CD is kind of a mish-mash of pop, AC/DC riffs, Jet energy, stoner rock, a touch of Black Keys-style blues and even a slight touch of rap. “Back Stabbin’ Betty” is a chomp-licious blues party tune -- lots of cussin’ in there and what makes it great is that it tricked the Wal-Mart censor! The lyric sheet left out the cusswords, but the CD, especially this song, have plenty in there.
This CD came
from Wal-Mart where it is budget-priced at an excellent 9 bucks … turn
it up and let the motherchomper rawk!!
CHOMP ON!!!
